The reason that many people never realise their true potential is not due to a lack of intelligence, resources or opportunities but a symptom of a lack of belief that they have in themselves. Developing your self-confidence is an important skill to develop if you want to fulfil all of your goals and aspirations.

Some people may appear to have inherited self-confidence as a part of their upbringing so it is important to note that confidence is not a genetic attribute. Confidence gets accumulated or eroded based upon the thoughts that we think and the actions that we take. Confidence is not just a reflection of one’s actual ability to succeed at a task but is also a reflection upon one’s belief in their ability to succeed. So confidence can be developed.

With consistent effort and a bit of courage we can increase our confidence levels. Here are some ideas on how to do that:

Realise that you probably won’t make any quantum leaps when it comes to developing your confidence. So start by setting some smaller goals with realistic expectations. Focus upon something that you know you are very, very good at in the first instance - whether it's working with people, multitasking, copywriting or using a specific computer program - whatever it is latch on to that and recognise it. Allow yourself to admit to yourself that you do a pretty good job at that one thing then find an opportunity to tell one other person about that.

Remember, you're not saying you're good at everything, just this one thing. Think of this as your secret challenge of “self promotion”. Then start to develop the circle of people that you promote this expertise to or start to develop the same level of comfort with respect to recognising other areas of your expertise.

No matter what stage we are at in our career, we won’t have all of the answers. So don’t be shy about asking questions. Look for opportunities to support yourself with the information you need to do your job well just by asking for it.

If required set some self goals at meetings. Plan to make a contribution on at least 4 occasions or raise some difficult issues.

Frequently your unwillingness to lay your reputation and security on the line in the short term can manifest in missing out on bigger opportunities further down the road. So challenge yourself to try new things – even if failure seems likely. Start by spending time in places where there is a minimal (20%) risk of failure or only threatens to your confidence a little before aiming for the 100% dangerous tasks or activities.

You will have heard about the idea of “Faking it until you make it.” Remember that even when you're nervous, others can't see your nerves or have any idea about your capabilities – unless you show them that.

This does not mean lying about your skills and experience or being arrogant and boastful but confidence will often trump competence and get you ahead where ability doesn't. The single most powerful way to build confidence is to act with the confidence you aspire to have. Realize that the way that you walk, talk, shake hands and make (or avoid) eye contact tells someone whether or not you are self-assured. So stand up tall, square those shoulders, walk with purpose and look everyone in the eye.

Over a relatively short period if you fake confidence will become real.

Part of “faking it until you make it” is to try new things out. This means having sufficient belief in your abilities that you know a new task isn't beyond your grasp. If other people can do something then there is a fair probability that with some experimentation and practice you can do also. Give yourself a little credit that you have the smarts to figure out something. The more you believe you can do it, the more others believe in you.

Preparation can make you far more confident. Arriving for a meeting five minutes early and reading the topic being discussed will give you a big psychological boost. Or if you are presenting and you have prepared adequately you can probably be safe in assuring yourself that you are probably the most knowledgeable person in the room about the subject matter. Remind yourself of that before you deliver your presentation.

When we shift our physical state, it shifts our mental and emotional state. Dressing well, having good posture, being friendly, and making eye contact with people will all give the impression that you’re confident and in control. And when the rest of the world thinks you’re self-assured, you’ll start believing it, too. Remember the following tips for improving your posture

1. Stand up as tall as you can
2. Pull your shoulder blades down and back as far as possible
3. Pick your chin up and look straight ahead
4. Smile confidently and move your body like someone who is highly self-assured;

And give yourself a treat by investing in your wardrobe or having a makeover. If you are a reluctant spender consider the investment as one for your future. Looking and feeling great can work wonders for confidence – know that you will receive your investment back exponentially going forward.

Create your own mantra (e.g. I am tall, good looking, well presented, well mannered or whatever). So I can afford to be more confident as my physical presence alone gives me a head start so that people think highly of me.

Don’t be a wallflower and hold back on what you are thinking. Adopt the philosophy that “if you think it then you probably should be saying it”. You might be surprised when others agree with you or be prepared to build upon your ideas – once you’re brave enough to say how you feel.

Introduce yourself immediately to strangers at a function. Get the awkward out of the way immediately, and you’ll come across as cool and collected.

Talk slower than you think you need to. Whether you are presenting off a script or have practised the content extensively make sure that you speak slower that you would normally and create some artificial gaps and stops in your delivery. The stops make the presentation feel a lot more off the cuff. If in your head the speed seems too slow then loud it is probably just right. Don’t over-think things, just follow the plan and talk slowly.

What you put your attention on is important. When you focus on things that make you anxious and you will become more anxious. And when you really focus on the things that you aspire to you will often find ways to realise your ambitions. So focus on things that inspire you of you want to feel more powerful. (Instead of terrifying yourself by focusing on what you don’t want to happen, focus on what you’d love to make happen).

And never be afraid to ask for what you want. Often if you are prepared to ask for something that you deserve, you will actually receive it. And if you don’t – well the worst that can happen is that others say no. (And the upside of that is that you can start to work on your plan B immediately – rather than waiting and hoping for something that others are not focused upon).

If you don't do a perfect job first time, rather than beating yourself up, remember that this happens to everyone. Admit your mistake, learn from it and move forward. And keep in mind that when someone takes time to provide you with constructive feedback the reason that they are doing that is provided is to help you do better next time. So they are investing in you and they are expressing their faith that you can do it right the next time.

The only way to build self-confidence is to take a risk and take action despite your fear of failure, messing up or embarrassment. If things work out, then you now know you can do more than you think. If things don’t work out, you now know that you can handle more than you think. Either way, you’re better off.

References:
Forbes Article by Margie Warrell